Discoveries

by Heavy Heart

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1.
01:31
Here I am again : arguing with demons, we became old friends. I'll never win against my darkest thoughts. They're in my bed, their voices are still ringing right in my ears. They're in my head and I can't help but listening. I feel like I'm losing. I can't hear what you say to me, but I can read your eyes and lips. I can't hear what you say to me, and some days I'm not really here. It seems like these doubts are a part of me, I'm not capable of making choices. And I lost any hope of finding any fucking answers. I'll be buried among doubts and questions.
2.
I barely wrote you. Last year you left this town alone. You said that you wanted to chase new grounds, I'm ok with that but I still want you around. I'm not used to play this record all alone. You left home without looking back and I know you left some regrets right there. You wanted to give it a try but I'm not sad, you did the right thing anyway. I'm sorry I didn't answer the last letter that you wrote to me, but I guess you never expect me to. I'm dying to hang out with you at the bar again, I miss those endless nights and all your loser stories in which there's always a tiny touch of hope. I've got to say that this place doesn't feel the same since you've gone away. And all your loser stories in which there's always a touch of hope yeah, always a tiny touch of hope. You said that you wanted to chase new grounds, I'm ok with that but I still want you around. I didn't answer the last letter that you wrote to me, but I guess you never expect me to. I'm dying to hang out with you at the bar again, I miss those endless nights and all your loser stories in which there's always a tiny touch of hope. I've got to say that this place doesn't feel the same since you've gone away. And all your loser stories in which there's always a touch of hope yeah, always a tiny touch of hope, always a touch of hope yeah even when you find yourself alone.
3.
03:42
Maybe you want me to stay but sometimes you just gotta slip away when you don't find your place. Now I stand alone with people I don't know, I never know what to do with my hands so I always do the same thing : I light up another cigarette. But I should leave, I'm looking away and I can barely speak, I'm trying to figure it out. What the hell is going wrong with me ? I don't know why I feel that kind of shame. I stay here, looking for something I can hold on to, I'm trying to figure it out. I always think it will be fine for me but everytime I hate the way I am. I turn myself into a clumsy monster and I don't want to draw attention to myself. I feel lonely and boring and ill at ease, I don't exist, they all see through me. But I should leave, I'm looking away and I can barely speak, I'm trying to figure it out. What the hell is going wrong with me ? I don't know why I feel that kind of shame. I stay here, looking for something I can hold on to, I'm trying to figure it out. I always think it will be fine for me but everytime I hate the way I am. Tonight the sun goes down too slow as I’m feeling your glances shoveling. I am sinking slowly, oh I know that my self confidence is crumbling. Tonight my self confidence is crumbling.
4.
02:56
I've closed so many doors these past years, I've got to pave this edge my own way (and keep moving forward). I'd got to break some chains. No plans, no fucking career. Sure I've got regrets but there's other trophees on my shelf. I remain honest like the time I dumped my girlfriend. I often lose my way but I'm still walking. And when the winter's coming, I'll survive the wind. And when it's cold, when all the leaves are falling on the ground, I feel my bones get stronger in the very darkest nights. And I will rise up in the storm. We got to learn to jump right up these walls. Sure sometimes we bend, sometimes we fall, we break our bones knocking every gates down but we’re never really defeated. And when it's cold, when all the leaves are falling on the ground, I feel my bones get stronger in the very darkest nights. And I will rise up in the storm.
5.
02:22
I overrated comforting power of time. I can't forget about this mess, I can't forget about this. Today I've started asking myself the reason why, why nothing can relieve the pain. I can't forget about this and I can't help but feeling down. I remember I only kept a photograph of you and took down all my posters. At first I didn't want to realize it's true, I was looking for answers. I'll never get this moment when you said : "I've got nothing to loose anymore." Time flew away and took your secrets. Everybody has now forgiven you and I miss your smile whatever I do. Sometimes I dream that you're still alive and you're starting a brand new life away. It's hard to fill the void you left but anger has never been on my side. I overrated myself I'm not as strong as I expected. I wish you were there for me.
6.
02:32
I tried to write a song out of my despair that we could sing along (we could sing along), whenever our lives are slipping out of hands. We talked about last summer, I know that I should keep looking forward but I barely recovered. Memories still hit my head when I’m bored. It won't come back, life's not meant to remain intact. We will take different paths but it won't keep our hearts from beating. We will bury fresh seeds in the ground. We may grow apart. I feel powerless, I can’t get this heavy weight off my chest. It’s like a part of myself, Nostalgia won’t ever let me rest. It won't come back, life's not meant to remain intact. We will take different paths but it won't keep our hearts from beating. We will bury fresh seeds in the ground. We may grow apart.
7.
02:50
I do know what we built and I realize what we lost. I can'  say I loved everything yet. I still have some noise to make. I'm scared of living in the past, keeping trotting out the same old stories everyday. Sometimes I'll miss you but I need more, I need something new. It's like there's no time to loose and so my friends, that's the reason why I try over again but I'll never forget the direction we shared. We can call these things our own : "Only what we lost belong to us forever." I set fire to our home. I couldn't stick around, I needed to move forward. I don't regret a thing and there is one million ways to try, and skies that I haven't seen yet. Nothing needs to be glorified. Let's move on to different things, I don't say « better » things, we've got to realize it. We can call these things our own : "Only what we lost belong to us forever." I set fire to our home. I couldn't stick around, I needed to move forward.

about

Recorded by ourselves in two days in August 2015 @ La Treubarderie (53).
Mixed by ourselves in September and October 2015.
Mastered in October 2015 by Sébastien Bedrunes.
Picture by Sylvain Geoffroy and Hugo Baisez.

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released October 28, 2015

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CanISay? Records Nantes, France

We are a DIY french punk, hardcore and whatever label and distro.

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